Fair fights...

Another installation for the Indiana Yearly Meeting newsletter...

Good Morning!

Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called her minister in hysterics. "Pastor," she cried, "John and I had our first fight together! It was awful. What am I going to do?" "Calm down, Joanna," her pastor answered, leaning back in his chair and shaking his head. "This isn't nearly as bad as you think. Every marriage has to have its first fight. It's natural." "I know, I know," Joanna said impatiently. "But what am I going to do with the body?"

I’ve never had a fight of this magnitude with my wife, but learning to fight well is something upon which we are continually working. “Fighting” – or processing conflict – is something that doesn’t come naturally for me. For a long time I felt that a healthy marriage implied the lack of conflict. I now believe that I was wrong. I’ve come to believe that healthy marriages should have their share of conflict that is processed in a helpful manner – “fair fights!” In fact I’ve been known to follow my wife through the house insisting that I care enough about her to resolve an issue that is causing concern in our relationship.

Has your church learned the fine art of having “fair fights?” In fair fights we seek to win an understanding, not an argument. In fair fights we attack the problem not a person. Fair fights are characterized by open communication in appropriate settings, not telephone campaigns full of innuendos and suspicion. Quakers should be good at resolving conflicts, not burying them. Friends, let’s learn to fight the good fight!

Guest Blogger, Doug