the tragic death of mr. zero

ARGONIA, KS - mr. zero, formerly of mike n's dailymile profile, was born at midnight on monday, december 13, 2010, and died approximately five hours later. he was killed instantly at the corner of pine and vine when hit from behind by a trek 2.1 road bike ridden by mr. n. eyewitnesses said zero was strutting around, mocking mr. n when suddenly the cyclist appeared out of nowhere. "you certainly wouldn't expect such a tragedy to occur on such a cold morning," one witness said. "you'd think a man would have sense to stay off his bike when it's 15 degrees out!" a second bystander chimed in, "wind or no wind, that's just too cold for cycling." everyone nearby nodded their heads in agreement.

during mr. zero's short life, was loathed by mr. n and all but a few who stopped by his profile. mr. n considered zero a hostile trespasser and, when asked if the senseless death of zero was weighing heavily on him, responded with a shrug. "any number stupid enough to be wandering around in the dark on the roads near my profile is bound to be hit sooner or later," he said. "i went out for a ride this morning. zero got in my path." when asked for more details concerning the incident, mr. n declined further comment.

upon further investigation, it was discovered that mr. n has a habit of "accidentally" snuffing out members of the zero family. dozens of mr. zero's ancestors have been run over by 700x23cm tires matching those attached to the rims of mr. n's bike. others have been stomped to death. shoeprints found near the scene of each of these zerocides closely resemble the prints made by the nike initiators mr. n is reported to wear.

when chief mendoza of the argonia police department was asked whether mr. n was a person of interest in any of these cases, she responded angrily. "mr. n is a respected citizen of this town! if a serial killer is loose within the city limits, he'd be the last one i or anyone else would suspect. his record is spotless." when pressed concerning mr. n's odometer reading of 30.63 miles, the chief's response was measured. "i have no doubt, mr. n rode that far. it is not illegal to ride a bike on the streets of this city, only the sidewalks. if you have proof mr. n was rolling down one of our sidewalks, i'm all ears. otherwise, this interview is over."

evidently it's open season on numbers in argonia, kansas, and mr. n will go on killing members of the zero family with impunity. (30.63 miles at 13.6mph)