I'm reading Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs right now. I am amazed at his insights into the cause behind so much marital conflict.
In a nutshell, he says a woman doesn't feel loved, something she desperately wants to feel, so she reacts by acting disrespectfully toward her husband. He in turn, feeling disrespected, something he desperately wants to feel, reacts unlovingly toward his dear wife. And on and on it goes ad infinitum. Eggerichs calls it the 'Crazy Cycle'. An apt moniker!
What he asks women to do is give unconditional respect to their husbands and husbands to give unconditional love to their wives. Men have been told their part for a long time. Women have seldom if ever been instructed to fulfill their responsibility.
Ephesians 5:33 says to the husband: "...each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself..." The same verse then speaks to the wife: "...and the wife must respect her husband." Notice the word must in both sections of the verse. These are imperatives. Why? Because what the woman needs most is love. What the man needs most is respect.
Foreign sounding, isn't it? You never hear this message. It's always love, love, love wherever you turn. But if the 'Crazy Cycle' is to be broken the rest of the message - respect, respect, respect - must be heard and obeyed.
Women, what do you want to hear from your husband? Three simple words: "I love you." Do you know the three words he wants to hear most from you? They aren't the same three. They are: "I respect you." Try saying those words and see if your husband's love for you doesn't grow seemingly overnight.
Ok...I can't summarize the whole book. (I'm not done with it yet.) So go pick it up. Read it. Pay attention to the stuff that makes no sense to you. Try it. See if respect doesn't win your husband's love. See if love doesn't win her respect.
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