Forgiveness brings healing...

It is with just a little fear and trepidation that I share a bit of my story with you today. I've never shared this part of my life anywhere outside my family and a few close friends. Until recently, I'm sure I would have been terrified by the thought of posting it online. But this part of my story is about God and the healing and freedom he brings, so I can't keep it quiet any longer.

Growing up, my family moved around a lot as my dad changed jobs. I went to five elementary schools, two middle schools and two high schools. I normally found friends quickly at a new school, but when we moved from a small town in Iowa to Sacramento, California, between my seventh and eighth grade years, things were different. I don’t know what it was, but I found new relationships difficult after this move. Maybe I was overwhelmed by the big city atmosphere or maybe it was because middle school is just plain awkward. Whatever the reason, it took longer to find peers to associate with.

Into that void stepped a man who, upon coming to our church, took charge of the youth group. He voluntarily spent time with us, teaching our Sunday School class and organizing fun events. I took to this man and we became friends.  We did lots of stuff together. He came to the school from time to time and took me out to lunch at a nearby fast food restaurant.

After a few months, this man’s mom kicked him out of her house. That’s what he told us anyway. I’m not sure now whether he was telling the truth or not. To make a long story short, my parents allowed him to move into our house.

Shortly after he came under our roof, he began visiting me at night when everyone was a sleep. He would ask if he could do things that I wasn’t sure he should do, but I was afraid of losing his friendship so I went along with his requests. For a little over a year, I was sexually and emotionally abused by this man in my own home. Whenever he sensed I was getting uncomfortable with what he was doing, he would threaten to kill himself if I ever told anyone what he was doing.

Finally, one day after he had asked me if he could do something that I found repulsive, I told my mom what had been taking place. That ended the sexual abuse, but didn’t quite completely end the emotional abuse. The last thing he said to me was, “I’ll come back for you when you turn 18.” That one sentence caused me to live in fear for years.

Less than a year after the end of this relationship, we moved back to Iowa. Just after we arrived, I went to summer camp and there, for some reason, I decided it was time to tell someone outside of my family what had happened. My poor counselor was shocked and not exactly sure what to do with this kid that kept yelling angrily, over and over, “I hate him! I hate him! I hate him!”

For the next two or three years, I lived with seething anger that I kept buried in my heart. Repressing it led to depression. Fear was there too. I was 18 and I was terrified when I thought that this man might reenter my life.

During the summer between my sophomore and junior years at college, I ran across these words of Jesus in Matthew 6:14-15, “But if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” I realized I was in serious trouble with God. I had not forgiven my abuser. With the Holy Spirit’s help, I chose to do so that day. That choice was the beginning of my healing.

Over the next few years, God brought a series of people into my life, people who counseled with me and prayed with me till I was set free from my anger. I remember the day I knew I had what God wanted for me. I prayed and the burden was lifted. I was no longer angry. The chains of bitterness and hatred that had wrapped themselves around my heart were broken. I was free!

I am grateful to God for all the work he has done in my heart. I want nothing more than for each of you to find the freedom I have found in Jesus. Today, when I think of the man who molested me, I pray for him. I want nothing less than his presence with me in heaven. I pray that God will save him through faith in Jesus and set him free from his sin so that he and I can worship before God’s throne together for eternity.

11 Things About Me

Brian Adkins (a.k.a. MarathonBrian), my Chicago-based dailymile running teammate and friend, recently “tagged” me on Twitter, forcing me to answer a series of questions. His mandate also included instructions to do the same with 11 others.

The rules of the game:

1)     Post these rules.

2)     You must post 11 random things about yourself.

3)     Answer the questions set for you in their post.

4)     Create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer.

5)     Go to their blog and tell them you’ve tagged them.

6)     No stuff in the tagging section about “you are tagged if you are reading this.” You legitimately have to tag 11 people.

11 Random Things About me:

1)     I did not own a car until I married in 1987. My beautiful wife owned a blue 1981 Toyota Celica which her parents gave her the year before. I married her so I could drive it. (Boy am I in trouble if she reads this.)

2)     I have visited every state in the Union except Florida, South Carolina, Vermont, Alaska and Hawaii. If anyone wants to fly me out to one of these states, I’d be grateful! Coach would be fine. I’m not picky!

3)     I have been a pastor in the Friends church for almost 23 years. I was pastor in Arba, Indiana, north of Richmond, for 10 years after graduating from Bible college in 1988. I spent the next thirteen years in Argonia, Kansas, leading the Friends church there. The past seven months have been at Pratt Friends Church in Pratt, Kansas.

4)     I am thirteen months older than my next sibling. My sister is four years younger than me and my youngest brother is thirteen months younger than her. Weird coincidence, don’t you think? Thirteen months for both sets of siblings!

5)     I collect Pepsi bottles, cans and memorabilia. I have international Pepsi stuff from Israel, England, China, Mexico and Russia. (I drink Pepsi, too. I HATE Coke!)

6)     I have been running the clock for volleyball and basketball games for five years or so. I started when I was living in Argonia and picked it up at my kids’ new school when we moved. I am currently sitting at a junior high JV tournament waiting for the boys championship game to  start.

7)     My wife is smarter than me. Her college GPA was 1/100^th of a point higher than mine. Those two B+ classes put me at third in our graduating class behind her and her roommate.

8)     I am not a good swimmer. I tend to panic when I run out of breath rather than breathe correctly. I attribute my fear of swimming to the drowning of a senior higher during a pool party during the time I was taking swimming lessons. He got his finger stuck in the drain. Scared me spitless!

9)     I have a habit of drawing things using my Garmin 305. I just run a route that looks like a dog or an elephant. Sometimes I spell out words too. Strange, I know. But don’t knock it until you’ve tried it. (P.S. I usually need to carry a map to make such outings successful.)

10)  I love to run. I love to cycle. It would be hard for me to nail down which I love to do more. On any given morning, you’ll find me out doing one or the other while the rest of the family sleeps securely in their warm little beds. Going early is the only way to keep my obsessions from interfering with family and work life.

11)  I enjoy music. Listening to it brings me great joy. Singing is one of my favorite pastimes. I play trombone and song flute, too. For kicks, I pull out my trombone once in awhile and play along with the high school pep band at ball games. Sight reading is so much fun!

Brian’s Questions for Me:

1)     Favorite event? You mean besides my birthday, right? I’d say the Run for Missions. Loved running in the inaugural 10K and the first half marathon. I enjoy running in support of my friend Adam on the 100-miler too. This year I’m going to run the whole thing with him.

2)     What’s your favorite Ryan Gosling movie? Well, since I’ve only seen two of them, The Notebook and Remember the Titans, I’ll have to go with Remember. I know I’ll get in trouble for this, but I hated The Notebook.

3)     What’s your favorite post-race celebration food? I don’t know that I have a favorite, but if Brian’s buying, I’m ordering steak!

4)     Who manufactures your favorite race day shirt or singlet? I love the dailymile team shirt. It was made by Saucony in ViziPro orange! Love the look and the feel. I really like my Idiots Running Club shirt, too, but I’m not sure about the manufacturer.

5)     What’s your second favorite Ryan Gosling movie? What?! Another?! As I mentioned in question 2, I’ve only seen two and I hated one. No second fav for me!

6)     Gatorade or Powerade? Either one’s fine. I use Gatorade powder for mixing at home, but I’ll drink Powerade if I’m at a convenience store and it’s cheaper.

7)     Favorite newspaper? I guess it would have to be the Pratt Tribune. It’s the only paper in the world I can get into just by organizing a Santa Hat run on Christmas Eve. Didn’t even have to call a reporter. I just posted the event on Facebook.

8)     You’ve just won a race/event, what’s your initial action or reaction? If you’re talking about before I puke, I’m looking for a patch of green grass to empty on. If you’re talking after that, I’m throwing my arms in the air and taunting the rest of the field as the cross the line. Not really. I wouldn’t do that. I’d only mock David Murphy of the Idiots Running Club.

9)     Would you rather be taller or smarter? Yes, I would. Thanks for asking. Taller would make me better at basketball. I’d like to be able to dunk. Smarter? Well, why not. I might be able to outwit Brian in race strategy then.

10)  Which historical figure would you like to have a 2-hour dinner with? I’d like to sit down and eat with Jesus. He’s a friend of tax collectors and sinners, so he’d be with a friend! I’d mostly listen, but there are a couple of things I’d like clarified, so I’d ask a question or two.

11)  Favorite holiday? April Fool’s Day is pretty great! I love tricking my kids, my neighbor’s, the guy in the checkout line at Wal-Mart. “Hey, Buddy! Your socks are untied!” (Note: If you are a scrawny junior higher in a big city, do not yell that at random strangers. I tried it once and the guy pulled a knife on me. That’s how I remember it. Of course, he was across the street, so I can’t be absolutely sure.)

My Questions for My Tagged Friends:

1)     If you were to change careers, what would be your dream job? Why?

2)     What is your most prized possession? Why?

3)     You’re offered a choice: Pepsi or Coke? Which do you choose and why?

4)     Would you rather do without your computer or your toothbrush for a week? Why?

5)     What do you order when you’re in a hurry and you have to take the drive-thru?

6)     Would you rather skydive or read a good book? Why?

7)     Long ride, long walk, long run or long swim? Which would you enjoy most right now? Why?

8)     How many geese have you been attacked by in your lifetime? Remember the petting zoo!

9)     Which club would you be more likely to join: the Idiots Running Club or the Quilters Guild? Why?

10)  Have you met anyone famous or even semi-famous? Who? Did you talk with them or just stare?

11)  Mountain biking or road biking? Trail running or running on the street?

My Tagged People:

Annie – annsrunningcommentary.com
Coach Kristie – coachkristie.com
Murphy – runlikeamug.blogspot.com
Elle Dubya – elledubya-health.tumblr.com
Jeff – hardcorpsrunner.wordpress.com
Mr. Shaw – aveteranrunnah.com
My other brother, Darryl – lovingthebike.com
Mr. Run for Missions – adammonaghan.blogspot.com
Sis-in-Law, Heather – theadventuresofbeingyoung.blogspot.com
Pre-Dawn Runner, Greg – predawnrunner.com
Sir Thomas – believeintherun.com

This is me...

A friend posted a list of 20 questions and answered them about himself. He then challenged me to do the same. I guess this will serve as my get to know me better post.

1) What is one of your favorite ways to spend a Saturday?

I like to sleep in a bit if I get the chance. Doesn’t always happen. Then I love going for a run or a ride alone or with my wife or a friend. After that, whatever presents itself is good with me. My wife usually has something planned.

2) List your top three favorite TV shows.

I don’t watch TV much. Hardly at all, really. My favorites are a bit older than most people’s probably. I love watching a couple of classics: Emergency and Get Smart. I also enjoy the more recent show, Monk. Adrian makes me laugh out loud.

3) Would you rather be in pictures or take them?

I love seeing pictures of me doing things I love, but most of the time I’m behind the camera. My children roll their eyes at me when I point and shoot, but they complain if they can’t find any pictures of themselves in an activity. They’ve each been tagged in thousands of pictures on Facebook. That’s not an exaggeration. I take loads of pictures.

4) Why do you blog?

My profile says it all. I blog to stay sane and drive others insane. I like provoking thought and instigating silliness. Kind of fun to keep track of life too. (I sometimes post anonymously as Ekim Trefien.)

5) Share five websites you visit regularly.

Facebook: This is where I keep up with my family and a few hundred friends. I’m part of a couple of runners’ groups. My favorite is the Idiots Running Club. Hilarious stuff happens there. I use Facebook to broadcast stuff about my church, too.

Twitter: I follow a lot of athletes – famous and not so famous – on Twitter. Not many of my family or close friends are on the site. I get a bit sillier here than I do on Facebook. Gotta keep my reputation clean.

dailymile: I keep track of all my workouts on this great social network for athletes. I’m a member of the blog team and do my best to be an encourager on the site. It was through the prompting of friends on dailymile that I took up running. I hope they don’t get me into triathlons.

Klout: I have no idea why I find this site so interesting. My score stays the same all the time. It doesn’t even measure my influence on Facebook yet. Still I check in here a couple of times each day and hand out +Ks to my friends.

YouTube: I have a YouTube channel and I’m always using it to find old songs to listen to. I also watch silly stuff and great athletic exploits. Occasionally, I post a self-made movie.

6) If you could have lunch with one person from your Twitter list who would it be?

That’s a tough one. There are a half dozen people I’d like to meet. I really want to get together with several members of the dailymile team, so I can pick the team profile, right? That covers all of them. Don’t ask me to narrow it down any further.

7) List a few of your favorite snacks.

I really like Frito’s Corn Chips. I suppose because they remind me of my grandma. She always had them on hand when I visited her house as a kid. They’re pretty good with chili too. Popcorn and gummi worms are probably my more frequent snacks.

8 ) Do you have a pet?

No pets in the family. Had a few dogs and cats growing up. Killed off several fish when my kids were young. Nothing but humans right now. They’re all staying alive.

9) Which three material possessions would you struggle to live without?

I’m pretty sure I’d struggle without a car, but what I’d really miss if they were gone are my two bikes. Cato, my road bike, and Floyd, my mountain bike, are my main means of transportation since my family steals the cars every morning.

10) What’s your favorite drink?

I love Pepsi. Hate Coke! One time when I was in the Atlanta airport on my way home from overseas, I struck up a conversation with an Atlantan. Just for fun, I said, “What I really want to know is this: Where can I get a Pepsi around here?” Her eyes narrowed as she snarled, “Go to hell!” True story! Atlantans are serious about their soft drinks.

11) Do you enjoy cooking?

I do. I fix breakfast every morning during the school year and help or prepare many suppers year round. My wife doesn’t like to cook, so I do more than some men. I’m make a mean oatmeal waffle.

12) Do you have children?

Yes, three daughters. One in junior high. One in high school. One in college. They are awesome, each in their own way!

13) What are your favorite hobbies?

I love to run and ride my bikes. I like to blog and snoop around on social networks. I enjoy writing in my spare time and reading too.

14) Would you consider yourself shy or outgoing?

I’m pretty outgoing, but I tend to feel nervous in new groups. I can get pretty wound up when I’m around close friends who don’t care how I act. After 3:00AM, I go crazy!

15) If you could change one thing about yourself, what would you change?

I wish I wasn’t so easily distracted. I have trouble focusing on what people are saying at times and I struggle to stay focused at work. I’ve learned lots of tricks, but I’m still a work in progress.

16) Who is your favorite actor/ actress?

I like Will Smith and most of his movies. He seems to get into fun or well-done films. I did NOT like Seven Pounds! Don’t really have a favorite actress.

17) What’s the coolest thing you’ve done this week?

I’m going to cheat and take something from last week. Last Tuesday, I made a backward shot from half court. Banked it in! The kids watching from the lunch room cheered!

18) Do you live near your family or far from them?

I suppose it depends on how you define near or far. I’m within 10 hours of all my siblings. My mom and dad are about six hours away. My in-laws are close except for my wife’s sister who lives on the east coast. My extended family is far flung.

19) List three of your talents.

I can clap with one hand. It’s a family trait. You’re not a real Neifert if you can’t master this skill. I can play the trombone and enjoy sitting in with the pep band at my daughter’s high school. I enjoy graphic design, though I’m far from professional.

20) What is your greatest attribute?

I am friendly. I can carry on a conversation with just about anyone. My daughters think I’m crazy when I start talking it up with people in line at Wal-Mart. I can’t help it.