Restoring that relationship...

What promises of recovery have come true in your life?

That was the question asked in our men's open share group at Pratt Celebrate Recovery this past Monday night. In the middle of answering that question by talking about the promise of forgiveness from God as we forgive others (Matt. 6:14-15) and the freedom I found when I forgave the man who abused me, this thought popped into my head:

"Forgiving others isn't about our relationship with them as much as it is about our relationship with God."

If we can't forgive others - or won't - we are damaging our relationship with our Father in Heaven. We cannot enjoy intimacy with him until we forgive our brother or sister from our heart.

Something for all of us to consider!

This work is beneath me...

I was reading Nehemiah 3 recently. It's a rather tedious chapter. The entire thing is a list of those who helped rebuild the walls of Jerusalem after the Babylonian exile. Most of the names (okay, all of them) are people I've never taken note of.

I was reading along as best I could when I stumbled at verse 5.

"The next section was repaired by the men of Tekoa, but their nobles would not put their shoulders to the work under their supervisors." (NIV)

Ugh! There's nothing worse than an uppity person who won't join in the work. Worse yet, a proud peacock who stands around and tells others what to do.

When I read these words, I was reminded of a conversation I'd had with a friend recently. He received a promotion to a supervisory role at work last month. Before he took over the role, he took time to talk to each of the men who would answer to him. He said the same thing to each of them: "I'm here to serve you. Let me know how I can help." That's what godly leadership looks like!

Jesus said, "You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave—just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." (Matthew 20:25-28)

Not so with you! That means no one who claims to follow Jesus can Lord it over people. As a boss, they can give direction, but they should be ready to serve. They ought to put their shoulder to the work and join in what God is doing.

By the way, if you go on to verse 27 in Nehemiah 3, you'll see an amazing thing.

"Next to them, the men of Tekoa repaired another section, from the great projecting tower to the wall of Ophel." (NIV)

While the nobles were sitting around doing nothing, these men of God were hard at work. I want to be like them! Hope you do too!

Dumb sports controversy...

How far does sports worship go? Pretty far, evidently. People are criticizing a baseball player for taking two games off to be with his wife while she gives birth. Ridiculous! Even more ridiculous...Boomer Esiason complained that he should have insisted that his wife have a c-section before the start of the season so it wouldn't interfere with work. Grrrrrr! Folks, it's a game! Yes, he gets paid to play, but it's still a game!

Sick and tired?

I was listening to a friend talk about the parenting struggles he faces on a daily basis. He talked about how hard he works to raise his kids. Then he said something that blew me away. I won't get it exactly right, but it was something like this:

I was telling God how tired I was of constantly having to remind my kids of the rules and God said to me, "You don't get to be tired of parenting. You're their dad. You have to parent them or no one will."

I was so glad for that reminder. Parenting can be wearisome for every parent at times. We can, in our hearts, get sick and tired of the rebellion, the attitudes, the defiance. But we don't have any option other than to keep parenting. If I don't parent my kids, no one else will.

Later, after my friend was gone, I too heard God's gentle voice. He spoke to my heart:

"If you're tired of parenting, you're doing it in your own strength instead of in mine."

Another important reminder. Following God's way is not easy when we try it in our own strength. It is only easy if God is doing things his way through us. I need his power. Every parent does. Otherwise we'll often become sick and tired of the task set before us.

Dads, moms, pray for help in raising your kids. You need it. Your kids need you to ask for it so you aren't overbearing or mean-spirited or just plain cranky.

"Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." (Ephesians 6:4)

Wise counsel...

I read the story of Rehoboam's ascent to the throne of Israel from 2 Kings 12 this morning. It struck me as completely insane that this young king rejected the advice of the older advisers, men who had time and time again heard the judgments and wisdom of his father, Solomon, the wisest man ever to have lived. Did he not thin that maybe these guys might know a little bit about life and wise actions? He didn't act on it if he thought it.

So let me ask you a question or two to challenge your thinking: Who are the wise men and women near you? Are you listening to them or to the "young men" you grew up with who are self-centered and unwise?

Who you listen to matters. Find godly advisers who will point you in the right direction. Reject every bit of guidance that exalts you or sounds even a little bit self-serving.

I give you my neck...

I watched part of it. I didn't want to, but I was strangely drawn to the video that was purportedly of a priest being beheaded by a mob of Muslims. I listened to the language I couldn't understand being spoken and then to the indecipherable shouts as the man in ropes was thrown forward and the barbarous act of beheading began. I was thankful that the crowd blocked my view as the camera rolled. It was only after the butchering was done that I saw the head held high by the man in black who'd done the deed. I shut down the site at that point. I was sickened enough.

Ever since I watched this murderous act, I've been thinking. Back in the 70s, I watched my fair share of end times movies. I remember one scene in particular from one of the apocalyptic thrillers. A man of faith was walked up several steps to a guillotine and his head was removed in a split second. My heart was in my throat, but I decided then that if I was called upon to give my life for Jesus, I could do it.

The feelings I had while watching what I believed was a gruesome martyrdom were much different at first. The length of time it took from the first cut to the finished decapitation was longer than the quick and relatively painless death of the man in the movie. I imagined how awful it would be to feel the first stroke of the blade across the neck. I wondered how long the pain continued after the vocal cords could no longer scream. Thinking about it made me sick. I felt for the priest who turned out to not be a priest as he lost his life at the hands of evil men.

My perspective has changed over time. The time of the cutting wasn't really all that long. Maybe a minute. While not pleasant, at least not as pleasant in thought as death by guillotine, it would be endurable. I've suffered pain for longer already. Granted, the pain I've gone through hasn't had the additional fearfulness the surety of death must bring, but still I've tasted agony once or twice. It is bearable for a minute or two or three.

This realization has led me to pray a prayer that may sound strange to some. I've been praying, "Lord, I give you my neck." I know martyrdom may never be my lot in life, but I want to make sure the decision is made now to choose Jesus over life. If I wait, I'm afraid I might chicken out when the large knives come out. My heart is in my throat again, but I know I could do it endure even the worst death imaginable with God's strength. It was, after all, his power that got Jesus through the much longer and more agonizing execution he suffered through.

"For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." (Hebrews 12:2-3)

Jesus has had my heart to do with as he pleases for many years. I choose today to give him my neck too. However he can use it. It is his.

I'm a liar...

I've come to that place in my recovery where I am finally ready to start thinking about and dealing with the root of the problem - my character defects. I've got a bunch of them. One of the most egregious is my tendency to not be quite truthful. I am, more often that I'd like to be, dishonest. Just so you understand what I'm saying, here's a personalized definition of dishonesty I ran across on a fellow struggler's blog.

• Dishonesty – Sins of omission and commission. Telling lies, hiding things, telling half truths or pretending something is so that isn't. Withholding important information. Adding untrue details to stories and situations. Stealing, cheating, taking things that aren't ours and that we aren't entitled to. (From Don't Drink and Don't Die)

I've been guilty of everything mentioned here. I'm especially bad when it comes to adding untrue details to stories and situations. I went to the dentist last week and when they asked me if I flossed, I said, "Yes." I don't know why I did it. I have flossed. I flossed regularly after my last exam. I did it for weeks and then I quit. When I said, "Yes," I probably hadn't flossed in over a month. Why did I say, "Yes"?

I am working on this defect of character. With God's help - he knows I need it - I will be honest in all my dealings with others.

The ides of April...

Yesterday when I tweeted, "Beware the ides of April," I was thinking about taxes, not the Boston Marathon. I never imagined that I would click around later in the day and see smoke billowing from the buildings near the famous race's finish line. I couldn't have dreamed up the images of collapsed and wounded bodies.

I ran angry this morning. Really angry. My pace doesn't show it. My pace was actually over a minute per mile slower than my last run's. The crazy squiggly lines at the beginning of my run are the only evidence of the ire in my heart. I thought a lot about the cowardly act as I ran this way and that. Then, when I got back to near where I'd begun, an idea struck me. I would run to honor the fallen. The end result can be seen in my GPS map. The mess of angry zigzagging now resembles the smoke from the bombing.

God bless those who have lost loved ones, those who have lost limbs, those who are traumatized. God help those who carried out the bombing.

Exploited towers...

What's the first thing you see when you look at this picture? My guess is you saw a plane about to hit a building. That's not what this picture is about at all. The events of 9-11-01 made you focus on the plane and not on the wire walker traipsing across the void between the two towers.

Philippe Petit, a French man, covered the distance between the north and south towers of the World Trade Center in New York City eight times on August 7, 1974. He spent 45 minutes suspended 450 meters above the ground. He finally stepped off the cable only because the police were going to bring a helicopter in to pluck him off of it. He was afraid the turbulence could dislodge him from his scanty walkway.

Philippe's feat was memorialized in the 2005 film, Man on Wire.

The cautious return...

The day after I quit Facebook, Twitter and other social networks at God's command, I received notification from the library that a book I'd asked them to purchase had arrived. I went straight to 401 S. Jackson and picked up their freshly acquired copy of @stickyJesus. I laughed at the irony of it all. Here I was holding a copy of a book designed to help Jesus' followers serve him and live out their faith online and I had just left the world of status updates and tweets. Still, I thought it was an interesting topic, so I took it home.

Over the next several evenings and a Saturday, I read @stickyJesus from cover to cover. I was encouraged by the authors' call to missionary service in cyberspace. I was confronted by their warnings against pride and self-promotion. That was me. I wasn't online to show Jesus to the world. I was there to draw people to Mike Neifert (or openmikey, my most frequent username). I prayed a lot as I read. I confessed my sin to God.

I finished the book in a few short days. It's message sat there in my heart. I continued to pray. Then something unexpected happened. God released me to return to Facebook and Twitter. I was shocked and just a little suspicious. Was this "me" giving "me" permission or was it really God? I'm really good at rationalization. (We all are, aren't we?) I didn't rejoin the surfing throngs right away. I waited and developed a safety net. I did not want to return to my previous state of obsession. I did not want to become distracted from face-to-face relationships by their pixelated versions.

I went to Google and typed in: parental control software. I found a review of five products on ilovefreesoftware.com and chose Norton Online Family from the list. I set up my account, added a "child" named mikey, then called one of my accountability partners from Celebrate Recovery. I gave him the login information for my Norton account and asked him to monitor my internet usage.

Now, every time I log in, I am warned: "Norton Family is running on this computer and is currently supervising activity associated with this Windows account." Some of you might find that stifling. I have found it to be quite freeing. I have a "watchdog" in place to keep me away from trouble.

I am thankful to God for his leading in my life. His provision of a close friend is awesome. I am accountable to both. And now I'm accountable to you too. Feel free to ask me about my "online" life anytime you see me more frequently than it seems wise. If I'm posting frivolous stuff or self-promoting things, call me on it. I want to serve God and live righteously online. I want to show God-given self-control and wisdom.

Lying is lying...

Perhaps you've been watching the NCAA tournament this weekend. I've watched a game or two. I love it that CBS (and it's partners) have made every game available online. That means I can catch all the action without subscribing to cable. I refuse to pay good money for rotten TV. (Update: the free stuff ends after four hours. It was too good to be true.)

So I logged on for the first time yesterday to watch Wichita State beat Gonzaga. Well, I didn't know at the time that was going to be the result. I was just going to see what happened. During a commercial break I was treated to a Coke Zero commercial or two that made excuses for making brackets and watching games during work hours. The ads made it sound like it was patriotic to cheat your boss. (It's not, by the way.)

Then today I discovered the "Boss Button" on the site. I was curious, so I clicked on it. Immediately my screen was transformed. It looked like I was working on email. This "Boss Button" is designed to make it easier to trick your boss and do what you want on his time. Ugh!

I know all of this is in jest, but as one who has struggled with keeping my focus on work during work hours I find it less than funny. Lying is lying. It should not be encouraged by anyone. I encourage all my readers to give a day's work for a day's pay.

"And whatever you do,whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." (Colassians 3:17)

The noble hero...

There have been few heroes of late who show any nobility at all. Most have no morals at all. They're self-centered, self-focused, self-absorbed men who care only for their own glory. (Ironman comes to mind. Captain America is, in my mind, the most notable exception.)

I was pleasantly surprised by the noble Bruce Wayne of The Dark Knight Rises. (Yes, I just now got around to watching it.) His choice to take a bomb away from Gotham and seemingly die for the people caused my chest to swell with admiration. That, my friends, is what being a man is all about. The fact that he survives does not in any way diminish his heroism. Thanks, Christopher Nolan, for giving us someone to look up to. Can't wait for Man of Steel!

Jesus' deadly stare...

Who is this guy? I know he's supposed to be Jesus, but he looks pretty scary to me. His eyes whisper, "I am just toying with you till the chance to kill you presents itself." Not sure I want this "Jesus" anywhere near me. Even though I love the real Jesus, I don't think I will be sharing this photo anywhere except here. That's okay, though, because 61,662 people have already shared him with their Facebook world. Apologies to my friends who will not be able to see their "savior's" intense stare as they scan my wall.

A Quaker question...

A good question posed by my friend, Carrie:

Quakers/Friends have, inherent in their philosophy, a high regard for the ministry of every believer. So it is with that perspective that I read recently on a pastor's blog that we (Evangelicals in general) have built churches around the pastoral gift, to the exclusion of other critical spiritual gifts, and in the process institutionalized the church and kept it from being a gospel movement?

He writes, "Explanation. The pastor cares for, teaches, feeds and loves the body of Jesus Christ. This is a good thing, I do it for a living! But, the gifts that challenge (prophet) and spread the gospel (apostle) have been, by and large, relegated to the sidelines. Truthfully, many of us don’t even know what those gifts are for today.

The result is a church in America where people think of the church as the place where they get their needs met, a place where they are fed. Church membership becomes about what we get, as opposed to a covenant we make with one another to live out the gospel in our local context. To borrow a phrase, “we are a dispenser of religious goods and services” for consumer Christians."

So I wonder, do you think we, as Friends, are exempt from this? Why or why not?

God's face...

Ever wondered what God’s face looks like?

Sometimes we have no idea. We follow the direction the Lord sets us on and run. We run hard. We run. We have no idea whether or not we are even close to victory.

But the image above tells us so much about our walk with the Lord. It is an image of guide Guilherme Soares de Santana reacting to blind Paralympian Terezinha Guilhermina of Brazil winning gold before she knows she’s won the Women’s 100m T11 Final. The Olympian has no idea she is about to win. The Olympian is only doing what her guide is telling her to do. Follow her lead and run hard.

The look on the Lord’s face if you have followed His lead well and are running hard is probably exactly this. He is overjoyed with the victory that is coming your way. We are blind to so much of His plan. But He promises us victory if we just trust Him and run hard.

He is overjoyed Ragamuffins. Run Hard. Run Hard.

From RagamuffinSoul.com

Celebrate what?

T-minus six weeks to launch! That was the decision made last night during our Celebrate Recovery (CR) leadership training session. After months and months of preparation - training sessions, 12-step meetings for the leaders, practice sessions for the large group and open share group - the official start date for Pratt's community Celebrate Recovery ministry is set for January 14, 2013.

Celebrate Recovery is a Christ-centered program similar to other recovery groups in many ways. CR has weekly open share meetings. It uses sponsors to help individuals in their recovery. The 12-steps are worked in CR. There are differences, however.

The main difference is that CR is open to and helps more than just alcoholics and other chemically-dependent individuals. It is a recovery ministry for people struggling with any kind of hurt, habit or hang up. Those helped by the program in other locales include the physically, emotionally and sexually abused; those struggling to overcome anorexia and bulimia  those addicted to pornography; those who fly into uncontrolled rages; and many others with issues that damage their relationships and destroy the joy in their lives.

Another difference between Celebrate Recovery and other groups is the clarity of who the higher power is that individuals can turn to for help. CR is a Christ-centered group for people who know that Jesus is the one who can help them overcome. He is worshiped during large group meetings, prayed to at small group meetings, and honored in every communication. The one who died to set us free from sin and from sin's power is the focus of Celebrate Recovery wherever it is found.

Pratt's Celebrate Recovery ministry will begin with a weekly large group meeting and open share groups. These meetings, to be held at Pratt Friends Church (824 Maple, Pratt, KS), will begin at 7:00 every Monday evening. The first hour will be dedicated to the large group meeting which will include music, lessons, testimonies from those in recovery, a reading of the 12-steps or CR's 8 principles and the praying of the Serenity Prayer. The second hour is for open share groups. At first these groups will not be issue-specific, but divided only by gender. As new leaders arise from within the ministry, new groups will begin.

(Pratt's Celebrate Recovery ministry is a cooperative effort of several churches in the community. For more information call 620-450-6120.)

Trusting...

I'm kind of a solution guy. I like to fix problems. Give me a puzzle to work out and I'll come back with multiple options. It's the gift God gave this guy along with his ADHD. Thinking at a million thoughts per second has a few advantages.

Everyone once in awhile, however, I come up against a bit of trouble that has no easy solution. It's usually a relational issue that stops me dead in my tracks. I can't figure a way out of the mess. How do I deal with people who won't do what seems to be reasonable.

I'm learning to trust God in these situations. I can't do anything about what other people do. (You can't either.) So I just tell the Maker of people about the struggles my friends and I are having and ask him to do his best.

For God so loved...

“For God so loved the world – the adulterers, the anxious, the arguing, the fearful, the Americans and the Canadians, the abortionists and the aborters, the arrogant and ashamed, the horoscope followers, the Iraqis and the Iranians, the backbiters and vain babblers, the unbelieving, the bitter and blasphemous, the boasters and deceivers, the judgers and abusers, the bribe-givers and bribe-takers, the lustful and the God-haters, the Jews and the Syrians, the evil-thinkers and the plotters, the complainers and insulters, the immodest and the contemptuous, the liars and thieves, the murderers and the covetous, the envious and the corrupt, the king cursers and the filthy mouthed, the gossip speakers and the gossip hearers, the Serbians and the Japanese, the false teachers and the contentious, the faction creators and the debt dodgers, the defrauders and the inventors of evil, the drunkards and disputers, the world-lovers and neighbor-haters, the gluttons and the disrespectful children, the employee-cheaters and the employer-cheaters, the Chileans and the Argentinians, the rewarders of evil and the condemners of the innocent, the faithless and the extortionists, the showy religious types and the customer-cheating businesspersons, the strife-stirrers and the foolish, the gamblers and the grudging givers, the fraudulent and the fortune tellers, the fornicators and the unforgiving, the idolaters and the oppressors of the poor, the harsh and the disobedient, the Irish and the Scots, the thankless and the prayerless, the self-glory seekers and the rebels, the unsubmissive and the rejecters of truth, the Germans and the Afrikaners, the lukewarm and the fool, the incestuous and the bestial, the angel-worshipers and the greedy, the homosexual offender and the inhospitable, the violent and the hypocritical, the husband-hating wives and the wife-loathing husbands, the lazy, the idle, the cowardly, the jealous, the covetous, the kidnappers and the coarse jokers, the wealthy and the poor, the unkind and the false witnesses, the lovers of self and the haters of enemies, the malicious and the prostitutes, the unmerciful and the law-breakers, the murmurers and the money-lovers, the mockers and the double-minded, the obstinate and the over-indulgers, the partial and the impatient, the slaves to pleasure and the stingy, the French and the Danes, the people-pleasing preachers and the flatterers, the prejudiced and the proud, the rapist and the unrepentant, the riotous livers and the scoffers, the scornful and the self-righteous, the slanderers and the sorcerers, the swearers of oaths and the tattlers, the unjust and the quick-tempered, the corner-cutters and cheats, the worriers and traitorous, the truce-breakers and the ungrateful, the vain and the discontented, the witches and the stiff-necked, the rejecters of God’s word and the resisters of truth, the worldly-ambitious and the worldly-minded, the dishonorers of marriage and the dishonorers of parents, the wrathful and the slothful, the neglecters of children and the lovers of tradition over God’s will, the orphan oppressors and the widow swindlers – that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish, but have eternal life.” In short, God loved you enough to send his son so that if you believe, you won’t be condemned, but will have eternal life.

Just ask...

Solomon was given wisdom by God that surpassed that of all men in his day. God gave discernment to David’s son because he asked for it, choosing it above wealth and fame and victory. God was pleased with his request and made Bathsheba’s son wiser than any other.

The same God who gave Solomon wisdom in his day gives wisdom today. You don’t have to be a king to get it either.

Here’s what James wrote about God’s willingness to give wisdom to those who need it: “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.” (James 1:5-8)

I was talking with a friend about this passage a few years back. I urged her to ask for wisdom in a particularly difficult situation she was facing. She seemed skeptical. “After I’ve prayed, how do I know what God wants me to do?” she asked.

I believe God gave me the response and I know it’s true. “You’ve asked God for wisdom,” I said. “He promises to give it when you ask. Why would the ideas you come up with after you’ve asked not be his if you’re submitted to him and seeking his guidance?”

It makes sense, doesn’t it, that God would give wisdom to her when she asked. If he wasn’t willing, why would he have inspired James to pen his promise?

To those who lack wisdom, God says ask. He promises to give it generously without finding fault. Why would you not ask today?

Love God and man...

“Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates his brother is still in the darkness. Whoever loves his brother lives in the light, and there is nothing in him to make him stumble. But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness; he does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded him.” (1 John 2:9-11)

Do you really think you can hang onto grudges, cling to bitterness, act hatefully toward someone else when you are filled with the Spirit of God? You cannot love God and hate your brother or sister or neighbor or coworker at the same time. If the God who loved the world enough to send his Son to die for it is in you, he will love the world through you. His Spirit inside you will cause you to love. You cannot contain the love of God within you. It will spill over into loving action.

Listen to what John wrote later in his letter.

“We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, ‘I love God,’ yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother.” (1 John 4:19-21)

God’s command – the one that Jesus said was the second greatest after loving God – is to love your neighbor as yourself.

Are you obeying that command? Do your actions reflect the way that you would like to be treated? How often are your words less loving than you’d like them to be?

If you are struggling to love others, I urge you to cry out to God for help. Confess your sin to him. Ask him to give you a true sense of his love for you. Allow him to love others through you.