victory salutes 101

bike racing and cycling is filled with unwritten rules and etiquette. above all, style is paramount. all else is of little importance. you’re only as good as your last race. i regularly get ridiculed for all my unwitting blunders. however, i know full well that it’s part of the cyclists’ code to mock the ignorant.

for those of you who have been holding back on winning races because you just don’t know what you would do when crossing the finish line, allow me to give a few pointers. after you master these important tips, it’s off to the pro tour you go.

victory salute like a pro

the solo victory

1. ensure one’s jersey is fastened to the top and shall be perfectly aligned so all title sponsors are clearly visible.

2 one shall take a quick look behind prior to victory to gloat at the peloton’s futile second place sprint.

3. one shall prepare far in advance (preferably in front of mirror) for thee victory salute that shall be unleashed. one shall look 100% confident that this has been done thousand times before.
4. one shall cloak all signs of fatigue at any cost. A war-cry of aggression is acceptable emotion to be displayed.

5. one shall hold the victory salute for minimum of 20 seconds and heed placing hands on bars until soigneur approaches with towel and waterbottle directly before post-race interview.

the sprint victory

1. in a sprint finish, one often does not know if the race has been won or lost until centimeters before the finish line. even so, one’s victory salute still requires to have been thought out and practiced. preparation is key. omit training sessions if necessary. sprinters do not train. it is a sign of weakness.

2. it is preferable that one will cross the line with victory salute displayed well before or during the sprint to the finish.

3. never will one go past the finish line without having a victory salute for the cameras. this is a sign of humbleness (and mistaken for arrogance) and is as good as coming in last.

4. again, all signs of fatigue are forbidden.

more pictures and info at cyclingtipsblog.com.