Go and be reconciled...

So you’ve offended someone. Someone has something against you. You’ve hurt your brother, your sister, your wife, your child, your boss, your teacher, your husband, your friend, your pastor, your mother, your father, your neighbor by some really dumb thing you’ve said or done. Intentionally or unintentionally. Doesn’t matter. Your relationship is damaged. You are not at peace.

What does it mean to seek reconciliation? What is your responsibility before God? What does obedience to Jesus’ words look like?

Reconciliation starts with humble confession, with a frank admission of wrongdoing, an acknowledgement of hurt done. You’re coming with the proverbial hat in hand. Head bowed. Repentant.

“I was wrong. What I did was really dumb. I’m sorry I said those hurtful things. I sinned against you and damaged our relationship.”

Such confession does not come naturally to our lips. We’d much rather pass the buck. Adam sins against God. It’s Eve’s fault. Eve sins against God. It’s the snake’s fault.

We don’t want to admit we’ve sinned, but we must. Peace does not come without confession. Acknowledgement of sin, recognition of hurt done, is where the pursuit of reconciliation starts.

Next step: ask forgiveness.

This flows out of our confession.

“I was wrong. What I did was really dumb. I’m sorry I said those hurtful things. I sinned against you and damaged our relationship. Would you please forgive me?”

Now the ball’s in their court, right? Yes, but it’s still in yours too. Remember, you’re the one who sinned. Reconciliation is still your responsibility. If they choose not to forgive, they’re in trouble with God. Jesus said as much.

“For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (Matthew 6:14-15, NIV)

That’s a message for another day.

You’re still on the hook. Friendly relations have not been restored. Love is not reigning supreme in this relationship. Your brother has something against you. You’ve got to keep chasing after peace.

Listen to God’s word.

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” (Romans 12:18, NIV)

“Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech. He must turn from evil and do good; he must seek peace and pursue it.” (1 Peter 3:10-11, NIV)

So what do you do if your brother or sister or mother or father or friend or neighbor refuses to forgive? How do you continue your quest for peace? What more can you do? Is reconciliation still possible?

First things first. Pray for your offended brother. Not out loud while he’s standing there in front of you.

“Lord, my brother will not forgive me. Remind him that his unforgiving spirit is sinful. Convict him so he will do what’s right.”

That would be really dumb.

But pray for him. Pray that God would heal his heart. Pray that God would bring him to the place where he wants peace. Pray that God would restore your brother to you.

Actually, you know what? You should be praying throughout this process. For God’s wisdom. For God’s courage. For God’s help in bringing about reconciliation. Reconciliation is not likely to happen without the Holy Spirit’s intervention, is it? So pray first. Pray second. Pray without ceasing.

Then ask this really hard question: “Is there anything I need to do to make things right with you?”

Restitution may be necessary to bring about peace. It is often a part of the process of reconciliation. I’ve had really dumb things cost me anywhere from $40 to nearly $400. Peace was and is worth every penny I spent.

And what do you do after you’ve confessed and asked forgiveness and prayed and made restitution and there still isn’t peace? You keep doing all that is within your power to seek peace. As God opens up opportunities, reaffirming your desire for a relationship, praying fervently, actively looking for ways to make restitution.

Peace requires hard work and sacrifice, doesn’t it? Restoration demands humility and love. Reconciliation takes time and effort. In fact, it takes so much time and so much effort that at times, we’re ready to call it quits.

“This is too hard. I can’t stand it any longer. I give up!”

Tempting, isn’t it? But we must follow God’s way rather than our own. We cannot write off our friends with a flippant, “Who needs you anyway?” We must seek peace and pursue it.

Hear Jesus’ word again.

“…if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.” (Matthew 5:23-24, NIV)

Reconciliation is always the goal of the believer set on following God.

So what are you going to do today with the truth you’ve learned? I urge you to obey God. Confess your sin to your brother. Ask forgiveness. Pray for your brother. Make restitution.

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” (Romans 12:18, NIV)

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