In Matthew 18:15-22, we find Jesus talking with his disciples about working things out. Reconciliation is certainly the goal that Jesus has in mind when he speaks here.
“‘If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that “every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.” If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.
“‘I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.
“‘Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.’
“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?’
“Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.’” (NIV)
When you read Jesus’ words, you can see that Paul is closely following his Master’s word on the matter when he writes to the church in 1 Corinthians 6. Jesus says to take disputes to the church. It’s the second stage in the process of peacemaking that he lays out. You see that there in verse 16, don’t you?
The first stage, the one that Paul doesn’t mention in his letter to the church in Corinth, at least not explicitly, is the private, no-one-else-allowed meeting between you and your brother. This is where the majority of disputes should end. There is no need for two Christ-followers to be so worked up about something that they can’t find peace on their own – on their own with God’s help, that is. The Holy Spirit inside both of them ought to win the day and restore their oneness through confession and forgiveness.
What did Jesus say in response to Peter’s question about how many times he should forgive his brother? Peter suggested it would be generous to forgive up to seven times. Jesus said, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” (Matthew 18:22, NIV)
At another time Jesus made it even tougher. “If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, ‘I repent,’ forgive him.” (Luke 17:3-4, NIV)
If we all took reconciliation seriously, our one-on-one conferences about sin and offense would be the end of every matter. We would always repent. We would always forgive. We would always find peace.
But we don’t always do what’s right. That’s why Jesus offers his direction for the next stage of peacemaking – take it to the church. Why do this? Jesus says we take things to the church so that every matter can be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.
Jesus is creating a safe place for both parties. With others to witness their discussion you and your sister don’t have to fear false accusations or later misrepresentations of what either of you have said. You also have wise, Spirit-filled men and or women to help find a solution. That’s still the goal remember. The aim is not to be proven right, but to be at peace.
Anyone willing to argue that this isn’t a good plan? I’m so grateful to God that his shown us the way. I’m even more grateful that most conflicts can be ended either by a conversation between two friends or by a small group of believers gathered to work things out. I’m grateful for that, because the third step in the process Jesus lays out is awful.
When a man or woman refuses to listen to the godly counsel of other believers, leaders in the church, Jesus basically says, “They aren’t one of you. A believer would repent. So treat those who refuse to repent as if they have no faith at all.”
And how do you treat a “pagan or a tax collector”? You pray for them. You love them. You serve them. You tell them the good news of salvation through faith in Jesus.
This isn’t a hateful thing. Reconciliation is still the aim. Reconciliation with God and with Jesus whom the unrepentant sinner has refused by ignoring the correction of the body of Christ, the church.
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