the zero manifesto

a common grievance heard here on dailymile, most typically on monday, bemoans the weekly reemergence of the nefarious zero in the weekly mileage indicator. while a majority of dedicated dailymilers undertake to quickly “zap the zero” (especially those who engage in the art of the predawn workout), there are circumstances, such as injury, other priorities, or a lack of broadband access, that delay the obliteration of this hated digit. it is for these situations that i have created the zero manifesto to provide succor in coping with the occasional malingering presence of the goose egg.

you sit there, smug in your nothingness, yet deep down i know you sense it, almost ethereally. you exist solely by my good graces. was i to simply stride out the door, or cycle the pedals, or rotate the flywheel, you would dissolve back from whence you came, wiped from your non-existence.

oh, i may let you linger for a bit. by doing so, i evidence the control i have over you. yet despite this control, you mean nothing to me. zip, zilch, nada, naught, nil. you are not even a mere plaything. you may be the same in all languages, but you are futile in your omnipresence. by allowing your continued reign, my dominion over you grows.

i am the waterloo to your napoleon, the yorktown to your cornwallis, the alexander to your darius. i am the prana to your apana. i am the maker you will always meet. i am the certainty to your doubt. I am the hope to your despair.

so dwell there, uncomfortable in your voidness, your vacancy. and feel as empty as you are, while persisting in look over your shoulder. for i too, shall hover nearby, confident in my authority to dispel the non-digit at will. my strength builds as your emptiness persists and, when you relax your gaze, i will exercise my whim and push you over the edge into the obliteration of your very non-being.

-greg s on the dailymile blog